here are some images of crispin at ubs this past summer (06). he sat around with me and talked me through some foulish moods, calmly scanning image after image and printing out his thesis statement for his board. it took him much longer than he had planned on, but he seemed pretty ok to settle in and wait for the printer.
dorothy
it’s only a couple minutes before we leave to go to your memorial. i’m sitting in the basement at my place because it’s the only place to be alone, and because this is where you used to help me see new perspectives about my art and my methods. i miss you, and I’ve been grouchy all day and especially to sherry and james, more so as i try to write this. i know you’d make a weird face and ask my why i’m doing that - it’s not their fault you died. and you’d be right.
i guess, i just want to thank you again - for all the insight and comfortable conversation, for the easy friendship you offered, and for the way you taught me through your actions about being available to people, being always curious and interested, and somehow being honest and opinionated without being offensive.
you said in one of your e-mails (the one posted about your thoughts on death) that eternal life make more sense when it is viewed as eternal growth, that life isn’t a state of being - so much as a state of motion/exploration/growing. as with all of your opinions (at least all those I was privy to), you had this amazing way of simply stating something you were living. thanks for that - because it is so easy now to picture you doing the same thing for eternity - being so amazed by the new things you are discovering. i even get this image of god laughing as you get all excited by the new discoveries. as if He is enjoying you being you - and i am happy for you. and sad for all of us - who miss you deeply.
it’s true, what the bible says - that we do not mourn like those that have no hope - that intermingled in our sorrow is the undercurrent of the certainty that you are ok, and better than ever. but we all still mourn your absence.
i’m happy for you, and smile through quite a few spontaneous tears. see you soon.
jason
Oh yeah - i called this entry “messing up” because you had talked to me a bit about how you were (for some reason unknown to yourself) always trying to mess things up. but to your astonishment, they always seemed to work out even better, no matter how hard you tried. you said you thought god did that to remind you that it is his doing that made you successful as an artist and as a person. though it’s obvious you didn’t choose to die - i definately think most of us would say that it messed things up a bit. but now so many people are “doing something” spontaneously, moved by your life and example, moved by the sadness and the shock, and moved by our need to act on these emotions and not just sit passively in sadness. you (or you would credit god) has yet again used this “messing up” to accomplish the very thing you worked for in life - to get people to do something - to not worry if it is ok or right or correct, but simply to act out of the heart and personality. and you always connected so many people - and even now (especially today) so many people are being brought together by you. so things may not be as “messed up” as they seem. and maybe god is still at work in that crazy way he works - where he doesn’t so much control as he makes good come from the very things that cause us to lose hope.
I cut my beard the weekend before Thanksgiving, just like Taylor and Nayland did it at the end of the summer in 2004 with the rest of the sculptor guys. Its funny to think the first time I met Crispin he had barely any facial hair.. I met him the hallway of milton Avery in the corridor outside the restrooms during bard interviews the winer of 2004. His energy and excitement was incredible, he had to show me everything he had done at that moment, why are all of those sculptures covered in the white waxy stuff. And once we got in he was one of the first on the entire Bard list to get in touch with me. When we got to Bard all together that first sumer, Crispin’s passion excitement, investigation was the limit. He made one wax covered box and then, since that moment He was Free the sky was the limit. He was thankful for what he had gone thru and where he was then.
Back up,, once I found out about Crispin’s religous beliefs, that was a Wow. but knowing who Crispin was and done deep know who he was didn’t let me judge him. Crispin helped me to understand, and we had incredible conversations that kept growing and building upon. Each one got deeper and it has helped me in ways of trying to understand the wave of ideas in the US and more so with my own father. I wished that others believed in things in the way that Crispin does, and the personalization of those beliefs, wrestle them, dunk them, rub them.. but regardless he made the un-tangible tangible. and by then end he was asking hard questions and not letting someone else tell him the way it was. it came from within. Deep within. I would like to take a look into crispin and see what I could find, I bet there would be some fascinating things behind the the crate of 2 liter colas.
Out of anyone that I saw go through the program with me Crispin’s work changed the most. all of it stayed true to him that never wavered, just that more of Crispin came out in it. He became so present. His openness, his humility, his sensitivity was remarkable. That is one of the most tragic things for me,, is not seeing more of this. I only hope that others ask those hard questions of themselves. Why am I talking so much about Crispin’s work? Its that it was an extension of him. Crispin could connect the pyschological transformation of a childhood friend fighting in the war Iraq from the broken phone on the street. Crispin’s a searcher and connector and that never stopped happening.. Crispin kept all 5 of us sculptor guys in connection with each other. It was like he opened up his arms and gave a big hug on us. Did you ever have the chance to hug Crispin. Thats an awesome feeling.
the bikes: I had all these good moments with fixin bikes talkin bikes with Crispin. The one time he came thru San Francisco was on a large bike ride. Both he and I wanted him out here to do some projects out here.. thats what breaks my heart too is wanting him to do work out here. He was starting a wandering museum, partly inspired by our conversations, and that made me feel good knowing that I also inspired him. Wow. but man he was going to drive this camper… cross country. man the gas and pollution just think where Crispin would drive too. Also he would probably get pulled over every 10 miles. at least he will have no more police hassels.
He could also ride a wheelie on a bike like no other. He knew how his body worked in space and he was such a presence. But Crispin’s body was no match for what a larger than life person he was. granted he was also one moody guy. Opinionated, very to the point, but never to judge always open and accepting. He could just say “That is STuuuppid” but of course he wouldn’t just say that in crit. But his insight was beautifully meticulous and could get to the point like no one else and you just knew he was right.
I have been up and down. feel knocked down and felt like I had been crushed with magnitude of Crispin’s body falling on me. I talked to Crispin the day before the election. He called me. He knew me and would catch me in the moments that were important to me and we had an in depth conversation about politics. I loved talkin politics with Crispin, because it was conversation like no other.
When I finished Bard with Crispin and all of you, Crispin had completely came out as a man. A truly beautiful man. Grown up self assured and knew exactly what he wanted to be doing. Man I was so proud of him. Crispin grew to big for his body. I know if he was here he would say “what the freak!!!!! get to work.” do what you wanna be doin. Smile and laugh the way only Crispin could. Say what you need to say to each other, Crispin would always say it. I Love you Crispin.
Crispin pushes me, he inspires me, I want to embody everything he was, and take him with me.
Your Friend always,
Chris Sollars
Remember Crispin that first cook-out/bonfire of his first summer at Bard? He was lugging a big carton of orange juice, taking big swigs. As seems to be the case with many, we got to talking about spirituality easily & quickly. Crispin could offer himself wholly while still maintaining ease in relations, especially with those he’d just met. What an amazing, beautiful quality.
I’ve been thinking about his ability to make a “mitzvah” of everything. It would seem that he never suffered from the same hesitation so many of us do when it comes to giving hearty compliments & support. An endless supply; endless engagement, questions, discourse, problem-solving. He’d simply wander into someone’s studio or drop a note of encouragement whenever it struck him. Always leavin his studio door at least slightly open for greetings &/or tool-lendings.
Last fall, we spoke on the phone a few times when I had it in my head that I wanted to make a piece involving motors. Crispin wrote extensive emails & explained for hours what my options were. Then, a little bit later, a friend was asking around for recordings of people stomping & counting in synch. I forwarded the request to Crispin & of course, he responded within hours to this fellow artist whom he’d never met. I say “of course” & we all know “of course.” “Of course” because it would be so difficult to not find a friend in one with such astounding openness & generosity, so often bringing the best out in everyone around him.
Who else comes up as he does when a roomfull of people in chorus agree: “aren’t we glad we have Crispin”? How many rooms and choruses have there been? & thank you thank you thank you, Crispin, for building those rooms & underscoring those choruses. I know we’re all feeling his loss as a community because this is the spirit he fostered.
~ Bethany
Crispin had such a pure Wonder of the world and I thought this recent sculpture of his was a nice image. Crispin, being a devout Christian, was an anomaly at Bard but his mind was incredibly open and curious. We talked a lot about our different spiritualities and beliefs and how to fit them into contemporary art. I believe he was ahead of his time in addressing his relationship with Christianity, filtered through a contemporary art lense. We talked about his Baptism series which is an idea present in all religions/spirituality and I’m sad to think of the work that was yet to come but we’ll never see. Doing a google search on him I was amazed how alive he still is out there. I will miss him, our correspondence and conversations. God bless, Crispin. -ezra
Crispin I am so privileged to have had the time with you that I did. I wish I knew that more when we were together. I have to apologize for never taking part in your “do something” project. I always admired it, wanted to do it, but never took the initiative to actually do something. That was never an issue with you. You were always doing something. And now that you’ve gone away, you’ve gotten so many people to get up and do something.
There are an inumerable amount of things that you taught me about art and life. The one I most admire you for is your lack of fear. You were never at all insecure about who you were or what you stood for. From your art, to your faith, you were always proud to proclaim your identity. Thank you for showing me what that looks like.
You have so many friends and family from all over coming together to show you the honor you deserve, and they are all doing something. Your leaving is stitching all of these people together in one united cause. They are all coming together for you, and are proud to carry on your legacy. You are amazing. Even when you’re not around, you are still “Doing Something”.
I love you Crispin,
J Gilmore
Crispin took my camera my camera once. It was warm and I wanted to lay in the grass, and I did. We were on the steps in front of Hopkins, Sarah was stirring cotton candy and Aaron Boze was giving it away. Alison was watching her baby crawl. He took pictures of Katie and Anthony, several of Jamie’s profile, one of Lauren Kalman and one of me that I have sent to my family. He was being goofy with a
cotton candy beard, and I want to show you these. Also one of Naomi and Crispin at the Robert’s/Whesthoff formal. I wanted to remember their friendship.
Crispin told me he was trying to listen more.
I agreed.
Carly Glisson
I finished Bard before Crispin was there, but remember meeting him once up there in the summer. I became more aware of his presence through his MFAlist postings, which I enjoyed. He seemed to really “go for it.”
Recently I was on my way to a Bard party in Bushwick, and I’d been stopped by a cop who’d pulled me over. He said that I couldn’t drive my car home because of some liscence dispute. I didn’t have a phone or even cash to make a call, so I went to the party to find someone who would be willing to drive my car home- that someone ended up being Crispin and his nice friend. I remember a chatty, fun ride home, and then waiting for what seemed like forever for the car service to arrive. I just remember thinking how friendly and interesting Crispin was as we talked, how generous it was of them to save me that night…I even played some accordion for them (I felt really bad for dragging them away from the party)- while they waited. Finally their car came, and I felt that I’d made another friend in our community. I was looking forward to seeing him again.
Sue H.
this is from the 4th of july picnic in 2005. i was all loopy from stepping on a bee and having antihistamines in me. almost picnic time. needed to get some food. couldn’t drive, too loopy, standing in front of the dorms trying to figure out what next and when my bee-leg would stop being swollen…and crispin gathered me up with some others to go to red hook for sausages and ice cream. said i should sit in the front seat of that big old car. told me about his mom.
o crispin, thanks.
dorothy
